Tuesday, May 20, 2014


Just so you know, I really wanted to name this post "Jeffery Gives Me Wings," but I'm trying this new thing where I use only one word to title my posts to be artsy or something.  Except don't expect that to last for long because it keeps me from doing things like naming this post , "Jeffery Gives Me Wings," which is kind of stupid because I really wanted to.

On the other hand, though, "Wings" kind of works because this post is about more than one kind of wing.  So I guess that makes the title also kind of punny, which is cool.

So, I had the most thrilling twenty minutes of my life today, but in order to fully understand the level of excitement that happened, we have to go back in time.

It's the year 2012, in the spring. Two freshman girls are walking along a gravel path, kicking up dust and chatting excitedly about what they're going to run, how fast they want to run it, how much they don't want to run it.  Suddenly, a flash of light knocks them right onto their butts.  Several moments later, when they have recovered their full vision, they are able to see the source of the light: Jeffery, sophomore.  Hurdler, distance runner, and an important component of sprint relays.  Basically, a champ.  Plus he's gorgeous, even at this early stage of male development.  And the two girls stalked him, using various internet entities and just by staring at him a lot at track meets, happily ever after until two years later, at another track meet, when the ice was broken by the best wingman ever to walk the earth. 

Today was the day that the wingman flew, guys.  And guess what? THE WINGMAN WAS ME!

It was not easy.  After it was determined that 1) today would be our last chance to talk to Jeffery and 2) I needed introduce him to my friend Megan*, I spent a good three hours (not even kidding) building up my courage  assessing the situation,  trying to decide when was the best time to chat him up. So, I walked by his school's tent probably four unnecessary times and spent like an hour more in his presence than I needed to.  That's okay.  Part of my research was to get advice from anyone who would listen about how to be a wingman. I had several strategies prepared, depending on the situation.

1. "Haaaaaave you met Megan?"

2.  Drop something near (or on) him, and then he'd have to pick it up and give it to me and then that would transition smoothly into me talking up Megan, introducing the two, and their imminent marriage.

3.  "Hey, don't tell her I told you this, but my friend thinks you're attractive.  You should go talk to her!"

When the moment finally came . . . oh, gosh, was it exciting! He ran the race right before mine, so we were in the infield, near the start/finish line, at the exact same time! So obviously those crazy fate ladies in Hercules were basically knitting Megan and Jeffery's strings together, wherever they are.  I took advantage of them and walked up to him and was literally all,

"Excuse me, can I talk to you for a minute?"

And surprisingly, he didn't run away! So I just kept going.  I pointed out Megan, making sure to point out her long hair and general hotness, and told him that she admired his hurdling skills (I thought that sounded less superficial than saying she thought he was pretty) and that he should talk to her because she would really like that.

AND HE DID! After her race, Jeffery, senior, walked up to his stalker of two years and GAVE HER A HUG, and I have never seen anything more beautiful.

So after that, I was on this high.  I should seriously wingman more often, because I was so extremely proud of myself and basically couldn't contain it.  And then after that, I ran my 800 race and PRd and I honestly think I owe it to Jeffery, hence the saying and would-be title, "Jeffery Gives Me Wings."


Any good wingman-ing/matchmaking stories? Tips? Anything?

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