Friday, August 9, 2013

I'm Back! ~or~ I'm waaaay more sheltered than I thought

So, I'm back! I know I said I was leaving, and also a bunch of stuff about dancing that probably made no sense and that I don't even really understand. I. KNOW. And maybe someday when you're older I'll explain it to you but I don't actually feel like doing that right now, so let the fun begin!

The fun being drivers ed, segment 2 A.K.A. Let's terrorize all these poor little 15-17 year olds about how incredibly dangerous cars and cellphones and friends and driving are and make them basically cry with a sad video.

I'm pretty sure that's the official title.

Annnnyyywayyyy, I walked into the room about 5 minutes late, sat down in the one empty chair, and started chugging water out of my waterbottle because I WAS THIRSTY. And when that was empty I looked around and what did my eyes behold but a bunch of public school girls.

Maybe I should explain. I go to a teeny tiny private school, which I love, but also leaves me really really oblivious about a lot of things. I mean, honestly, all of my friends are from church or my Christian school. I don't know anything at all.

Annnnyywwayyyyy (deja vu) you may be wondering how I could possibly know all of these girls went to public school. There are about 10ish 4ish no-fail signs.

1. They're really little. I mean, they're short too! And skinny! I'm pretty sure that the average public school girl is skinnier than the average private school girl. Which may account for . . .

2. Me being super jealous of them secretly

2. An overwhelming presence of really super short shorts and yoga pants.  They never wear dresses, which would totally be my outfit of choice every. single. day. if I had enough of them and didn't feel so peer pressured by the PSGs (public school girls, obvi) in my drivers ed class.

3. iPhones.   iPhones, one and all. Most of my friends and I have piece-of-crap phones, lots of the time held together by sticky tac or sheer will power.  Can I explain this weird phenomenon? No. But it proves true again and again and again. And again.

4. Straightened hair. Or straightened then curled.  All I know is that their hair looks good erreday, in DRIVERS ED CLASS! I mean, more power to ya, I wish my hair looked like that, but if I'm just going to drivers ed I'm going to give up that much of my precious time to something that I'm already not a huge advocate of. So sorry.

5. Ok. I'm out. I'm sorry if you go to public school and I've judged you incorrectly and you're actually fat and wear dresses and have a piece-of-crap phone and don't straighten your hair.  I'm sorry I assumed all of those awful things about you. I truly am.

Once I realized that I was surrounded by them, I knew things were about to get acca-ackward. Because, that probably meant that the boys were PSBs (not as good as recognizing those), and remember, I don't know anything? I was absolutely right. A boy at my table started talking about a party he was having.  Then he yelled at a friend who was sitting across from a girl he thought was totes gorge and told her to make friends with the totes gorge girl.  And when he started describing the pretty one to his friend, it was pretty much a dirty, dirty foreign language of a bunch of stuff I'd need Urban Dictionary and maybe a few sick-minded friends to decode.

The boy right across from me had a tattoo.

And most of said stuff my mind is obviously too naive to understand, and I'd actually like to keep it that way thank you very much! (but ok myabe I'm a teeny bit curious)

So I just sat there and looked at the poster that says, "I hafn't deen drfinkin, occifer. I sware." Which is supposed to be a clever way of explaining that the boy is drunk.

But mostly I was like,


Love, Me.

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